UselessJunk.com... crazy insane NSFW videos & visual media

Violent drunk David Hasselhoff goes to camp! Maybe it was too much fun on the beach, or it could have been pressure from the success of his DVD on Amazon... we're not sure, but we do know that he's royally fucked right now: Full Story here:

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Actor David Hasselhoff, the rugged chief lifeguard on "Baywatch" until the long-running syndicated TV series ceased production in May, has checked into the Betty Ford Center for treatment of a drinking problem.

Hasselhoff, who turns 50 next week, "realized his social drinking had increased more than he was comfortable with and he decided to do something about it," his publicist said in a statement issued on Monday.

Hasselhoff was admitted to the clinic on June 26, his publicist Richard Hoffman said. It was not clear how long the actor would remain in Rancho Mirage, California facility.

Hasselhoff became one of the most recognizable performers in the world starring as lifeguard Mitch Buchannon on "Baywatch," which was seen around the world.

The show debuted on NBC in 1989 and was canceled after one season. But Hasselhoff and his partners acquired rights to the show and brought it back as a syndicated series in 1991 based on his popularity overseas.

But the 11-year-old show, which also made household names of Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra and Yasmine Bleeth, ended its 11-year run in May 2001, falling victim to growing competition and an increasingly fragmented TV market.

Scientists have kept the secret to strong bones bottled up for years. Now, a new study has raised the bar on the list of nutrients that could have benefits. NewsCenter 5's Rhonda Mann said that the good news is pouring out -- beer builds bones.

A new study shows beer is rich in the mineral silicon. Researchers said that learning which parts of our diet have high concentrations of silicon may be key to preventing osteoporosis.

NEW CPA LANGUAGE...

EBITDA = Earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor
EBIT = Earnings before irregularities and tampering
CEO = Chief embezzlement officer
CFO = Corporate fraud officer
AAV = Abnormal andersen valuation
EPS = Eventual prison sentence

For those of you who are blind or stupid, and have been asking me... "uh-duh, where are all the photos?" Here's a few big giant picture links for you:

sports	random junk	rated r	all junk

Looking for some summer fun? Have you ever driven next to some fuck-head in traffic who deserves to be pissed on? Well... look no further, UJ has a great summer fun-time suggestion!

Here’s whatcha do... You all have those windshield wiper “pissers” on your car, right? Well, instead of pissing on your own window, try adjusting them about 90 degrees to point away from your car and directly to the left or right side of your car. Now comes the fun part... drive up next to some asshole on their cell phone (it’s best if they are in a convertible or have a BMW or Mercedes with the windows down) and let your pissers rip! Shoot the bastard in the face and keep on going. Usually they won’t even know what hit them, or they are too damn scared and weak to do anything about it. It is also fun to drive close to the curb near a bus stop to hit losers who can’t afford their own vehicle that are waiting for a bus, and if at all possible, nail any yuppie bastard at an outdoor cafe who is within reasonable range.

For best results, you may need to plug one of the holes on each individual pisser if it is equipped with dual stream action. Gum or some type of plumber’s putty should suffice! Good luck, and happy pissing! --Please post a comment and let us know how your summer fun-time adventures go!

Moooo.... Angry cows = tender beef. Rant-on you bovine bastard!

"Hector knocked up three girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of the girls in the gang that Hector knocked up?"

"Rufus is a pimp for three girls. If the price is $65 per trick, how many tricks per day must each girl turn to support Rufus' $800 per day crack habit?"

The dough-boy, He is a funny little bastard -- isn't he? (poke him in the belly)

Click here to mess with the Dough-Boy!

Mr. ABC is one of my all-time favorite web "flash" funnies! Enjoy, and "turn up your speakers!" Click here to meet Mr. ABC

Boredom in the workplace...its the most intensely horrible feeling. Everyone knows that you can't (without being reprimanded) fall asleep at work, which seems like the perfect time filler of empty space. So, what does one do at work if one cannot sleep? the best uses of time are:

Donna Newman, you are a ignorant bitch traitor who should be tossed on a raft and set out to sea. Get out of the country NOW! (For those of you who don’t know, Donna is the lawyer defending Jose Padilla –the shit head being detained for plotting to detonate a dirty bomb within the US).

Anyone who has been so privileged as to work, live and breathe the benefits of being on American soil, yet can turn their back on the government who is trying their best to stop these insane Al-Queda fuckers, has lost their right to stay in the United States.

Even if the Bush Administration has acted hastily, --more power to them! People like Donna Newman would also be the first ones in line to bitch about the FBI and the administration not acting on tips related to possible attacks on the US. You are all hypocrites!

Donna, maybe you are some court appointed attorney, however, I highly doubt it… but if you were “obligated” to do this because of the rules of the judicial system, you don’t need to be so passionate about the supposed mistreatment & unfair detention of the suspect!

This is a “war” in case you haven’t noticed. The rules have changed, and yes, a few innocent people will be “inconvenienced” as we flush out the real terrorists, but that’s an acceptable risk ever real-American is willing to take. If he is innocent, he has nothing to hide, and should be willing to dispel the concerns of the FBI… I would, and anyone who wouldn’t should get the fuck out of the country, --you don’t deserve to live here! You are a traitor, you have sacrificed your patriotism and self-respect in the eyes of the world. I think you are a despicable human being.