Huh... maybe it's just me?

In Atlanta the local radio stations have been playing the hell out of a new Dominos Pizza commercial. So maybe it is just me, but the ad spot sounds like a direct terrorist threat!

They are advertising some kind of "Buffalo Chicken Kickers" special... I'm sure that they are really tasty, but they created a little jingle for the commercial that is clearly being sung by someone who is doing a "middle-eastern" voice impression. --you know what I'm talking about... the dude sounds like Apu from the Simpsons.

Here's what I'm hearing when I listen to the jingle (remember that it's being sung by someone who sounds like Apu, and when you read it, it helps if you do your best Apu impersonation)

"these really are da bomb"
"delivered to your door"
"soon they will all be gone"

My translation of this hidden terrorist message:

"we are among you and have an arsenal of heavy artillery"
"we will come to your house and kill you and your family while you sleep"
"soon you will all be dead you filthy American bastards"

To make matters worse the ad also includes Mexican & Jamaican backup singers doing the stereotypical impersonations for these ethnic groups... they went just shy of including an Asian that would likely have said: "frive dolla, you love dem long time"

[submitted by Cynical_Southpaw] It's not always easy being Lutheran. Be proud, but not too proud. Boast, but only to yourself. Eat Jell-O, but not too much.

And have fun? Well . . .

Two Lutheran guys in Moorhead, Minn., decided that even Lutherans could have fun and started a Web site:

http://www.oldlutheran.com

Its goal is to sell "authentic" Lutheran items, including a Martin Luther bobblehead doll, a sturdier version of the typical doll (Sid Hartman and Kirby Puckett should be jealous) that looks remarkably like the Protester himself.

The doll is available on the Web site, but ours was found at Ingebretsen's, a Scandinavian import store on Lake Street in Minneapolis. We bought the only one they had, but the folks there assured us they could easily order more.

The Web site, titled Old Lutheran Gift Shoppe, was founded in 1999. It features T-shirts, office accessories and food products emblazoned with Lutheran theology.

It has also expanded into all kinds of things to help Lutherans laugh at themselves and enjoy their faith.

For example, there are old luggage tags ("We know that Lutherans have baggage and most of us carry it with us. Some of us have been carrying baggage with us for years. Here at Old Lutheran, we think it's time to claim your baggage and name it too.").

There's also Sin Boldly Lager. Need we say more?

As the holidays are now upon us, I have cocstructed a short list of
important thoughts to keep everyone safe.

Excerpts from The Drinkers Fault Finding Guide:

Symptom : Feet cold and wet.
Fault : Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution : Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom : Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution : Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain
loudly that you are being hi-jacked.

Symptom : Everything has gone dim.
Fault : The pub is closing.
Solution : PANIC!!

Two drinking games to keep you wasted over X-miss and New Year. Circle of death and Fuck the dealer.

I now have proof that the world is fucked and people have waaaaaay too much time on their hands. 

But... as I type this, I am asking myself... "is it right for me to mock others for wasting so much time and talent on completely useless junk".... thinking to mysef... Hmmmm... "I'm one of these people, dammit, I'm one of them!  Have I nothing better to do with my time" 

No I don't... so here you go you useless fuckers!

Nintendo flash-back from hell --I can't believe that I watched this entire thing!
The 12 days of christmas like never before
For those Asian shit lovers out there... now you have a video game
Please raise your hand if you hate the backstreet boys as much as me
Taliban bitches go "Western" on Al Queda punk as pimps
You all know that this was created by some little punk ass geek with a little dick

 

 SEATTLE (AP) - The man who used 16-inch feet-shaped carvings to create tracks that ignited the "Bigfoot" legend has died. He was 84. Ray L. Wallace's family admitted his role in the creature myth after his death Nov. 26 from heart failure.

"The reality is, Bigfoot just died," his son, Michael, said.

In August 1958, a bulldozer operator who worked for Wallace's construction company in Humboldt County, Calif., found huge footprints circling and then leading away from his rig.

The Humboldt Times in Eureka, Calif., coined the term "Bigfoot" in a front-page story about the phenomenon.

Family members said Wallace asked a friend to carve the wooden 16-inch-long feet that he and his brother Wilbur wore to create the tracks.

The nation — fascinated by tales of the Himalayan Abominable Snowman — quickly bought into the notion of a homegrown version.

Vacation:  If you are looking for a hell of a deal, now is the time to book that cruise you’ve been dreaming about.  Sure, you’ll contract some kind of deadly virus and shit your pants for 2 weeks, however, think of the money you will save.  (side note:  I have reason to believe that the terrorists are behind all of the cruise ship viruses)

Michael Jackson:  Ya know… I think I’m losing my mind because I’ve seen so much of Michael Jackson lately that I’m beginning to think he’s just a normal person like you and me… we’ll, maybe a little nutty and into young boys unlike me, however, he’s simply got people stalking him 24x7.  I suppose I would seem like a really fucked up person too if I had my entire personal life displayed for the whole world to see.  Hmmm… ya know what, nevermind… I take it all back.  He is one strange cat!

PHP Rules!:  For some of you geeks out there, you might strongly disagree, however, I love the PHP scripting language for building web sites and managing databases.  Unlike Perl, it’s more modular and reliable.  Your entire site won’t be fubar’d if you forget to CHMOD one damn file to 777 instead of 750!  --oh yeah, and don’t forget… chicks dig guys who code using PHP.

The Olsen Twins:  Perverts all around the world have been obsessed with these girls for years, however, that freakish obsession is borderline really inappropriate.  I’ve always thought that they were “cute” girls with potential when they hit that legal age, however, this recent photo of them is stunning.  The two went from being cute girls to hot women overnight.  

Angry Moms:  Some people need to curb their damn anger and be a little more discreet at times.  I saw this older “hag” mother today bitching at her son (about 12 years old) outside of Walmart.  She was yelling at him because the cashier put a bag in the cart that was torn.  She was yelling “why didn’t you say something?… what were you thinking?… you just don’t care about anything!”  I was walking towards her as she was just yelling all kinds of nonsense at him, and I kind of mumbled as I walked past… 

“let it go”
she heard me and said “what”
“I said let it go”
she replied with “why don’t you mind your own business”
“you are embarrassing yourself” I said, and kept walking
she went silent and finally quit picking on the poor bastard!

UJ & you:  Some of you people are really cool.  The message boards are alive with a lot of new posters and ever-present regulars (you guys know who you are).  I’ve been receiving a lot of friendly e-mail lately from all over the world, and ya’all really morally supported me when the site went to shit a few weeks ago.  In bad times, it’s inspiring to see that people really appreciate and enjoy this monster that I’ve created…. And of course I can’t forget the generous contributions from people who are proud Club UJ members.  While I’m not even close to getting rich off of the site (or even able to buy lunch at Waffle House with excessive funds), I’m able to off-set a decent portion of the monthly expenses related to operating this useless Internet destination!

 

submitted by: Cynical_Southpaw (this story is for anyone who doubts the presence of evil in our world...)

A top Massachusetts General Hospital cardiologist and heart researcher had his license revoked yesterday for downloading thousands of computer files depicting child pornography, so many that the hospital's computer system nearly ground to a halt.

Dr. Howard Kantor, 52, a graduate of Yale Medical School and a board-certified cardiologist and internist, resigned from his appointments at MGH and Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital in March 2001 after the incidents were discovered by co-workers.

Kantor's illicit activities were first noted in September 2000, when an officer...

LOS ANGELES — In the vast, suburban expanse of the San Fernando Valley, one of the largest industries thrives quietly inside unmarked warehouses, walled estates and hidden studios.

The region is home to most of America's pornography industry — videos, Web sites, phone sex businesses, adult toys and even the old-fashioned dirty magazine.

While many parts of the nation's economy have suffered, the past five years have been good for the adult industry, as new video and computer technology opened the doors to hundreds of millions of potential customers around the world.

"The adult industry doesn't follow the same ups and downs that other businesses do," said Paul Fishbein, publisher of the...

1. Talk about a huge breast.
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in? .
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores or discuss your problems with him - it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, you have to increase your frequency of intimacy. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

Hey, it's time for another caption contest! --I use the word contest loosely because there is no prize other than a good laugh!

Anyway... this picture is ripe for some great "good spirited" digs on GW!

Post your photo caption in the comments section by clicking on the "comments" link below -duh!

Have Fun!

unrelated side-note: is the "war on drugs" over?

Have we shifted all resources to fighting the "war on terrorism" instead?

Personally... I don't do drugs of any kind, however, I'm sure that a lot of people out there would be very happy to hear that they are no longer "at war".

The next time you're having a bad day,
imagine this: